Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Things That Make Me Go Grrrrr.....Gay Penguin Hate & Internet Trolls

A couple things have been gnawing at me this week, so now you're forced to rant with me :

First off, I understand that separating two male homosexual penguins might help to protect the species and all, but what about the fact that in so doing, the Toronto Zoo has turned the clock back on decades of progress gay penguins have made toward being treated with true equality?  Pedro and Buddy are a shining example of courage in the face of adversity. Unlike so many other animals who seemingly overcompensate for their homosexual tendencies by hitting on anything that moves (here's looking at you Pepe Le Pew.....), these two lovebirds should be celebrated for showing us all that love comes in more than one form. Besides, as the article states, "A 2010 study of penguin homosexuality by France’s Centre for Functional and Evolutionary Ecology concluded that penguin homosexuality is widespread, but rarely last longer than a few years." See? What's the big deal? It turns out the penguins are simply experiencing college! Let's not forget that NEITHER PEDRO OR BUDDY has been found with a marijuana cigarette, incited gang violence, or had to spend a night in the drunk tank. The fact that two male penguins choose to cuddle together should be the least of our worries. Shame on you Toronto Zoo, it is 2011 after all.

Now let's get serious. Like many of you, I often post my feelings on animal welfare issues on blogs and Facebook, in the hopes of raising awareness of pressing issues. Often, these comments lead to insightful debates, which is a great thing. Far too common however, is the fact that in so many of these instances, there's always one idiot who feels that it's a perfect time to chime in with such witty statements as :

"Why are you guys making such a big deal, they're just animals!"
"Why don't you go and focus on a REAL issue"
"All you people do is post, why don't you ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING!"
"You animal activists are all a bunch of fu**in' loonies!"

If you find this as infuriating as me, and feel the need to bother responding to these judgemental clowns, below I've written a response that you can feel free to copy and paste :

"Dear sir/madam, I sincerely thank you for taking the time to voice your opinion on this matter. While at first I was somewhat curious as to why you would even take the time to partake in a discussion of which you are seemingly uninterested, I have come to realize that you are, in fact, simply a douche.  Maybe your time would be better spent concentrating on issues the actually mean something to you, such as who undoubtedly will become the unwilling recipient of your awkward drunken advances sometime soon, or that online petition calling for more internet porn?  Perhaps now would be a good time to pour some hot soaking water in that pot on your counter that's been full of half-eaten Kraft Dinner for the last two days. What's that you say? Your mommy does that for you? Wait, aren't you like 27 years old? Why are you still living at home? If I had a dollar for every time someone like you posted something fairly unintelligible online, I could start a fund to offer you all tuition at a nearby college where you could learn a trade to benefit not only yourself, but society as a whole. In the meantime, please refrain from trolling and making comments with the sole purpose of attracting attention to yourself. I promise that if you do, eventually someone other than your mother will pay you some attention. Oh wait, she is also aware of your douchery? Whatever, I've said my piece. I'm going to go make MY OWN Kraft Dinner"